I think the hardest thing in a relationship is to find
someone who understands their spouses need for time alone.
I think because most believe “time alone” is code for cheating or needing this time is an act of rejection.
“Getaways” are normally seen in a positive light because it means vacation, relax, and rejuvenate…just chill…but a getaway from one’s spouse is “Oh my God!” he/she needs space, something’s going on.
From what I’ve heard and observed, when something is actually going on, no one asks for space.
Getaways are very necessary for relationships, occasional time apart can actually bring longevity and harmony to relationships.
Time apart thwarts the “Law of diminishing returns effect”(I totally just made up this effect, but there actually is this “law”)
“In economics, diminishing returns (also called law of diminishing returns,
law of variable proportions, principle of diminishing marginal productivity,
or diminishing marginal returns is the decrease in the marginal (incremental)
Output of a production process as the amount of a single factor of production is
incrementally increased, while the amounts of all other factors of production stay constant.”
So in layman’s terms…picture you’re in a desert and you’re super thirsty… (and please keep your mind out of the gutter, this example is totally clean! A thirst for water people! You freaky bunch you!)…and you come upon an oasis, you rush to drink and your first gulps of water are soooo satisfying, you can’t believe you treated a glass of water before with such disdain; as you continue to drink however, it’s not like when you just started and soon you’re quenched and done…I guess what I’m trying to say is, everyone need a little space sometimes; to miss someone, to crave them like when you just met.
Girls night out, guys night out, alone time, sabbatical. (A sabbatical is a little long but who knows it may just be the thing depending on the situation.)
“Absence makes the heart grow fonder”…most of us have heard this before and it’s true; a nice little break from your spouse can have you jumping their bones when you come together, like it’s the first time and making sounds you’ve not made in a long time.
You kiss more, touch more…you smile more and love more. It’s like make-up sex without the breakup.
So the next time your lover says they need time alone don’t take it as an affront, just know that some people need it and it can serve to make your relationship more healthy and animated.
Of course there needs to be established trust and there also needs to be people who are reasonably secure with the one they’re with so they’re not suspicious of everyone who comes close.
I’ve lost friends because of insecure spouses and it sucks!
Don’t guilt your partner if they need to be away by themselves for a few hours and partners, don’t feel guilty if you feel that time away is important for you.
Everyone needs a little space sometimes. And remember; that space also includes your partner’s’ phone as well, for all the snoopers out there…just sayin’!
DO NOT snoop in your partner’s cell phones, personal privacy is a right for everyone, even if it’s your man/woman. Think about how uncomfortable it feels when someone steps into your physical personal space…well, phone snooping is a hundred times worse! Take it from me, this will not just rock the boat, it will overturn that vessel and set you adrift hanging on to flotsam and jetsam!
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all loosy goosy and anything goes, you need to make your expectations clear and dare yourself to trust each other, make sure wires aren’t crossed and areas aren’t grey and you go about thinking you’re in an open relationship when you’re really not (that’s called communication, but I’ll talk about that some other time!)
All in all just respect each other and remember that though you are two different people you’re on the same team working toward individual and corporate goals.
Keep it loving, caring and understanding and once in awhile break out the massage oil and the wine and have a party for two!
Now y’all go on and get loving!